Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
