i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
