You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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