smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
