I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize