So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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