So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
