her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
