I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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