we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
