Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
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The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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