I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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