I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
