not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
