Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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