areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
