I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
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Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
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Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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