u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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