I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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