Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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