My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
