please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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