In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
