im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
