Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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