Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
