The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
