i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
