and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
