Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
