I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
