I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
