so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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