i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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