what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Did I show you my penis last night?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
