I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
