last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
