Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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