Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
