i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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