I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
