I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
