you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
