I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize