he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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