mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Did I show you my penis last night?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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