He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
