someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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