toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
