1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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