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I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
