i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
