Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
