Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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