Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
