My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
