I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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