Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
