it wasn't lemon gatorade
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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