Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
