just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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