I wish my penis had an off switch
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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