he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
