He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
