There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
