hell yes lets make some ravioli
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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