Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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