Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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