I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
