She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
