so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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