I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
