I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
