...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I came so hard my ears popped.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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