Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
