I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
