So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
