$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
