So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
