Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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