another moral hangover. fuck.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
