Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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