how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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