booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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