fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
