Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
