Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
