Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
